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Emotions distort judgement during negotiations at a physiological level – not only those emotions triggered by the conflict itself, but also unrelated emotions brought into the negotiating room from outside. ‘Negotiating Under the Influence’ by Jennifer S. Lerner
Virtually every business faces conflicts sooner or later, according to experts at Stelvel Ltd. A partner has missed a delivery deadline. A client is demanding compensation. A buyer is dissatisfied with the quality of the goods. Owners disagree on the direction of future development.
In many companies, conflict is seen as the beginning of the end of a relationship. In practice, the opposite is true. Most long-term partnerships go through dozens of difficult conversations. And the question is not whether a conflict will arise, but whether the parties will be able to navigate it in such a way as to maintain trust and the desire to work together.
It is very difficult to remain calm and professional in any situation. That is precisely why, during negotiations, it is important to think not only about how to defend your position, but also about how to retain your counterpart. This means you need to know how to manage your emotions: by monitoring your body language, pausing, and reframing the conflict, you can defuse the tension.
Your first reaction is the most costly mistake
When we are accused, criticised or put under pressure, there is a natural urge to immediately object, defend ourselves or respond just as harshly. But it is precisely those first few seconds that often determine how the conversation unfolds, according to experts at Stelvel Bulgaria.
A pause is one of the most underrated tools in negotiation. It allows you not only to bring your emotions under control, but also to prevent the conflict from turning into a personal confrontation. Sometimes a few seconds are enough to respond not to the other person’s emotions, but to the problem itself.
What should you do? Don’t react on impulse; give yourself a few seconds, count to five before replying – it’s a simple technique, but there’s a specific mechanism behind it: at the height of emotional tension, the rational part of the decision-making process is temporarily shut down, and any arguments, even valid ones, will fall on deaf ears. It is important that your response is based on the interests of the deal, rather than on wounded pride.
‘Reading’ your opponent, rather than preparing a rebuttal
A common mistake is to formulate a response in your head instead of listening. Five basic needs drive emotions during a conflict: recognition, belonging, autonomy, status and role. Listening in a conflict means looking not for a reason to object, but for one of the five needs that is most strongly affected at that moment, according to experts at Stelvel. This changes not only the tone of the response, but also its content: a conversation about status and a conversation about money are resolved using different words.
An angry supplier is rarely angry simply because of the delay itself. More often, it is because they feel that their words are being doubted and that they are not being believed. One partner fears losing money. Another is worried about their reputation. A third is demonstrating their principles. If you respond solely to the words spoken, you may miss the real cause of the conflict.
It is helpful to pause for a few minutes before formulating a response and simply observe. How does the other person’s tone of voice change? How willing are they to listen? What elicits the strongest reaction from them?
What should you do? The ‘don’t respond, just observe’ technique helps you manage your state of mind during a conflict whilst interacting with a client (partner, manager or source of irritation) . In highly charged situations, managers at Stelvel Ltd recommend shifting your focus to carefully observe movements, facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures. It is important to do this consciously, without any visual aggression. This technique helps to relieve muscle tension and fosters empathy during the conflict.
Manage the pace of negotiations
The pace and tone determine the level of conflict. Comments become shorter, spoken faster and louder, and decisions are made hastily. If you notice that the conversation is becoming increasingly tense and the conflict is threatening to escalate, it is important to consciously change the pace, pause, change the subject or move to a different location.
You could suggest moving to another room, taking a short break, continuing the discussion after reviewing the documents, or simply slowing down the conversation. Even a change in intonation helps to reduce emotional tension, according to experts at Stelvel Bulgaria.
What should you do? Use the ‘psychological cushioning’ technique – don’t rush to reply straight away. Instead, reduce the emotional intensity by introducing some movement into the conflict. Put simply, get up and move about. Suggest moving to another place, sitting down, or having a coffee. Simple, everyday things can help defuse a conflict.
A concession is an investment, not a capitulation
Many people view concessions as a defeat. In negotiations, it is not the act of making a concession itself that matters, but its cost and consequences. But any concession made without careful calculation is not flexibility, but a loss of margin disguised as flexibility. Before offering an alternative, a discount or compensation, it is worth understanding in advance which concessions still make the deal profitable, and which do not.
What should you do? If a discount, a change in terms, or additional compensation helps to retain a long-standing client or a reliable supplier, this may prove far more profitable than winning in the short term and losing a partner.
The real work begins after a conflict
Conflict situations, misunderstandings and the search for solutions that satisfy everyone are all part of doing business. It is important, some time later, once the problem has genuinely been resolved, to follow up with a clarifying question or an offer of assistance. This is the only way to maintain long-term business relationships, regardless of conflicts and misunderstandings.
Stelvel develops bespoke solutions for managing partner conflicts for dropshippers and suppliers. The company acts as a mediator between the parties to a transaction and helps to find a compromise that preserves the relationship and ensures the collaboration remains economically viable for both sides.